Strange, isn’t it? For some of us feminism and chivalry may be the two sides of a coin, showing one at a time, but it is not always the case. We often miscalculate the vigour of these words- ‘feminism’, ‘chivalry’ and ‘sexism’.  I strongly believe that these words hold a deep insight when pondered upon. Chivalry does not necessarily have to fall for feminism to rise. In fact, the word chivalry has been misunderstood all these years.

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Chivalry originally was coined by the medieval knightly system as a religious, moral, and social code. It is complicated, difficult, and not specifically about defending women because women are weak. Let’s get it this way, Chivalry is literally just “rules for if you have a horse.” In the middle ages or the age of chivalry men with horses were considered the chivalrous and civility was all about defending those who don’t own horses.

It’s 2017 now. Women can own as many horses they want.

 

Real courtliness, therefore, is about noticing when you have a horse and somebody doesn’t. It’s not about to crush the inferior just because you can. It’s about holding the door for the person in a wheelchair, and it is clearly NOT about treating women like a delicate flower.

I have this friend who, after a few attempts, managed to make it to her dream job. Recently, I was at dinner with a couple, celebrating, where her boyfriend constantly kept saying “Baby I am so proud of you, you were able to get through those toughest interviews! Women don’t easily make it through these processes.” (with an extra emphasis on ‘women’). He was not just happy because she got into that IT firm but because of the sake of her being a woman. As complicated as these F-words are, they are more frightening. Not only to the masculine population but to most of the feminine part too.

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I love having the door opened for me and being asked to order first at the restaurant or both of us having the dessert of my choice, not because I consider myself delicate enough to pull that 80 inches wooden plank but because I respect chivalry. I believe that in no way women are less capable than men, they can pull their car doors open, but the key is “Would you mind if I open the door for you?” See, this is a tricky business. The motive behind these actions is to be considered rather than actions, themselves.

The current wave of the feminist movement is not that for political or legal equality, it is about dealing with people’s perceptions, their brains, and their unconscious biases. Gone are those days when women had to come down to streets for getting right to vote, to equal educational opportunities, to protection from workplace discrimination, equal pay and fair divorce laws. This wave demands social equality which is murky and troublesome because how can we measure social justice? If five out of six students selected to represent the school on a national platform are boys, then it is not necessarily the case that the teacher is gender-biased or he is a sexist. We can’t get his decision until we get inside his brain and understand his reasons. It can be the case that the boys in his class are smarter and efficient, whatsoever. The point is there is no need to feel oppressed and marginalized for each and every action. You will realize that this is knottier when you actually give it a serious thought. 

 

I’m not in my twenties yet and there’s definitely a long way ahead for me to fathom a ‘feminist’. Though I’m certainly not in a position to tell a tale or to comment on any individual’s decision, there is but, a few things, a girl as my position has realized. A man knows I can open a damn door, he holds it for me because he is a gentleman. I am with a man not because I want free dinners and flowers every morning. I am a strong and independent girl, I have my own choices, my own decisions- right or wrong, I can open my doors and buy myself flowers and I expect to be paid the sum of money I deserve in near future when I start working for the corporate sector. This is my idea of feminism!! Besides, chivalry is an old-fashioned, courteous way to show respect to a woman. It is about three things; mercy, charity, and humility. Mercy means being aware of your advantages and treating other human beings gently that doesn’t imply recognizing those who don’t have your advantages are your inferiors. Charity means giving, especially love without expecting anything in return. Humility means accepting your mistakes and correcting them persistently. Anybody can embody these traits – man or woman. Feminism is actually anti-chauvinism, not anti-chivalry. A chauvinist makes chivalrous attempts just to get something in return. He will help you out of pity, he will take your care because he feels sorry for you. A real chivalrous man wouldn’t ever dream of diminishing his woman’s worth. There is a fine line between chivalry and feminism and both can co-exist.

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Honestly, it took me a little time to eliminate the misconception that all feminists are angry, revolting, lesbian, man-hating crazies. In fact, you don’t even have to be a woman to be feminist. Anyone who believes in the complete social, political and economic equality of the sexes is a feminist – including men.